My “Mess” is My Message

Today I received my copy of Stephanie Ackerman’s latest book Faith Journaling for the Inspired Artist. Did I need another book on Journaling or Art? Well, apparently I did! Not five pages in, the photo to the left smacked me upside the head…kinda crazy, right? Stephanie, among other wonderful women, have encouraged me from afar with their zest for art, an insane love for God, and the desire to intertwine the two.

For the past month, God has really been working on me & my obedience factor… at the forefront has been a host of new cancer challenges…. but those challenges have been the catalyst to realizing I haven’t consistently been giving God my best.  I’ve been giving what’s easy and through numerous experiences… sermons especially ….(thanks Pastor Jim!), I’ve been convicted as to how I’m living my life I’m for God.

Stage IV Cancer, like so many other chronic diseases, is HARD.  It doesn’t go away.period. and more often than not, you get new challenges… like wonky lungs, blood clots, and such.  I am very thankful though – just think if God allowed cancer to hit you with everything all at once? No bueno!

While I thought I’d learned my new normal, I was still entirely too focused holding tightly onto the things I could still do.  Like grocery shopping, housekeeping, or walking the dog… yeah, call it what it is….PRIDE.  Don’t get me wrong, staying active is essential, but holding too tightly onto things is a slippery slope and sets you…me… up for missing great God opportunities.

As it is today, I’m in a season where those types of activities aren’t necessarily adding value to my days. Instead, little things, like going out to the grocery store, have the potential to set me back vs propel me forward.  So I’m learning to choose more wisely and it’s definitely a process!

My 2018 goal (starting now!) is to be more mindful and dig deeper in my relationship with God.  While cancer isn’t exactly what I may have chosen, it has given me the opportunity to focus more time on Him by not trying to balance a demanding and stressful full time job….HE is my full time job…and that is pretty darn amazing – not many get that opportunity!

If you’ve read my blog, the consistent thread has been my lack of consistency in writing. And writing is a big part of my relationship with God…to be vulnerable and transparent, and to share how He leads me daily to walk closer with Him.

If I had to choose ONE thing that propelled me into deepening my relationship with God, it was a little book you may be familiar with called The Love Dare by Alex and Stephen Kendrick. It is a 40-day Christian devotional designed to strengthen marriages.  No, I’m not married – I’m not even dating or in a relationship.  God brought me the book as a dare to strengthen my relationship with Him.  Weird? Odd? Perhaps.  But I hope you will follow me as I share, and possibly help,  precious readers do the same… coming soon… My Love Dare with God.

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Letting Go

January 10, 2010

The way people celebrate the New Year is interesting – parties til all hours of the night, quiet get-togethers, loud get-togethers, etc.  This year I did something different.  I was fortunate to spend New Year’s Eve at a tiny church in a tiny town with a friend and about 50 or so (maybe more) total strangers with at least one common thread.  We had gathered to hear Sarah Reeves and John Waller – two amazing Christian artists.  I’d never heard Sarah before that night, but her voice was like an angel’s and I am excited to hear her again.  Most people probably know of John from the movie Fireproof and the song While I’m Waiting.  I’ve only listened to his music for a few short months, but his songs are powerful and I was eager to hear him in a live setting.  It wasn’t a concert per se, it was more like a quiet evening of ministry through music.  John shared with us some of his journeys leading to songs.

It was personal and profound how God is using John to reach others – to spread His Word.  And the thing is, I’m pretty sure God wants that kind of relationship with all of us – to be a vessel of sorts.  I’m sure a gazillion folks already get this concept, but not everyone travels at the same pace – me, for example! 

The trouble is those pesky negatives that seem so easy to draw my attention…fear, rejection, doubt, guilt, shame, you name it…all the things I let get in the way.  If Our God…your God…my God… really is to reign over my life, I have to look beyond all that. What to do?  I know I keep saying the same thing over and over…it’s not complicated…it’s ridiculously simple and I make it complicated….Just let go. Let God.

Letting Go

January 10, 2010

The way people celebrate the New Year is interesting – parties til all hours of the night, quiet get-togethers, loud get-togethers, etc. This year I did something different. I was fortunate to spend New Year’s Eve at a tiny church in a tiny town with a friend and about 50 or so (maybe more) total strangers with at least one common thread. We had gathered to hear Sarah Reeves and John Waller – two amazing Christian artists. I’d never heard Sarah before that night, but her voice was like an angel’s and I am excited to hear her again. Most people probably know of John from the movie Fireproof and the song While I’m Waiting. I’ve only listened to his music for a few short months, but his songs are powerful and I was eager to hear him in a live setting. It wasn’t a concert per se, it was more like a quiet evening of ministry through music. John shared with us some of his journeys leading to songs.

It was personal and profound how God is using John to reach others – to spread His Word. And the thing is, I’m pretty sure God wants that kind of relationship with all of us – to be a vessel of sorts. I’m sure a gazillion folks already get this concept, but not everyone travels at the same pace – me, for example!

The trouble is those pesky negatives that seem so easy to draw my attention…fear, rejection, doubt, guilt, shame, you name it…all the things I let get in the way. If Our God…your God…my God… really is to reign over my life, I have to look beyond all that. What to do? I know I keep saying the same thing over and over…it’s not complicated…it’s ridiculously simple and I make it complicated….Just let go. Let God.