God fuel – a term I’m sure used by others before me…the thing that keeps you going when you have nothing left in the tank…not even fumes of perseverance to tap into. That place where you’ve reached the end of yourself, willingly given God the reigns, and start to see Him work wonders.
That’s where I was in the six weeks leading to my resignation. I was pouring what little I had into God and in return He was pouring into and through me so that I could meet numerous demands. No longer was I fretting over every detail of my dad’s declining health…I made a choice…I chose to trust God to provide for him, just as He was providing for me. No longer was I a basket of nerves walking into the office…my focus on God kept me calm and available for Him to work through me in meeting requirements of the job and not be rattled by excessive demands.
It was as if an incredible weight had been lifted – no doubt, the days were difficult, but I wasn’t trying to lead and manage every minute detail…I Laid it at the Cross – and left it there, where God could take over. Thinking of Laying it at the Cross reminded me of a post from earlier this year…
At some point, most believers have experienced the opportunity to physically lay cares at the foot of a cross – for me, it was a very powerful experience – so powerful, my daughter made me something very special – a shadow box where I can write and leave cares at Jesus’ feet. Now, take a moment and look closely at the box…granted, this is the original photo, but it’s still looks pretty darn empty today – speaks volumes, doesn’t it? I look at the cross every single day and yet I hold onto so many cares troubling my heart. A pattern of unbelief I didn’t recognize before. Yesterday I pulled out the ONE item I wrote and placed at the foot of the cross – it was a prayer to God over my work situation last year – in the weeks that followed, I left my corporate job and God blessed my obedience and trust in Him more than ten-fold. You see for me, I only know I’ve really laid it down (and left it there) when I experience perfect peace in the days and months (or years) following.
Perfect peace – that’s the result when I truly leave something in God’s hands. It’s incredible! And the scripture is so true – He will sustain you… He provides the God fuel you need to get through every difficult season. I may not put tons of pieces of paper in the box, but I am consistently laying cares at the cross. I’m incredibly grateful for the lessons He so patiently began reinforcing in me – I still get stubborn, but more readily say “Here, Lord” with truly open palms.