Sometimes I am so stubborn, I even frustrate me! This past weekend I was on one of my getaways (more on that another time). I was up early, drinking my coffee, sitting on a FABULOUS porch when I “decided” I was going to start writing in my very empty journal.
Of course, before I ever picked up the journal or a pen I was deciding what I was going to write…so I got up from my comfy spot and went to get the journal and a brand new pen I’d brought with me. The ink would not flow! Stubborn me… I got another new pen…the ink would not flow! Folks I’m not talking about a half-hearted attempt to get the pens to work – I scribbled so many circles on a sheet of paper I almost made holes! Fine!
I went back outside and sat still finally realizing yet once again I wanted to control…ugh! I listened to a great new instrumental worship CD (Larry Bean & Joe Heiberger), enjoyed the sun coming into full view – watched a woodpecker peck his little heart out…listened to the dew drop from the trees…all the things I would have missed if I was focused on my “agenda.”
After about an hour I went inside, passed the journal and pens on the bar – tried one more time…yes, of course the ink flowed…
Here’s my unedited entry: November 7, 2009
I’ve procrastinated long enough. When I received this journal for my birthday, my sister said something along the lines of “write down your journey” and here I am two months later and these are my first thoughts…well, first thoughts I have or rather I haven’t been afraid to write down.
Now, isn’t that silly? What am I so afraid of? Revealing my doubts? My mistakes? Oh, my life? Hmmmm….it seems – no scratch that – I AM most afraid when I’m depending on me – Celeta – to work through whatever challenge (big or small) lies in front of me, rather than putting my faith, my confidence for success (whatever that picture looks like) where it belongs – in GOD!
And how amazing, that as this little “light bulb” flickers on, God’s beautiful sunlight is shining on the words I’ve just written – the words He revealed to me! Yes, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”